Hey Arnold goes to the Wild Wild West.
by Sarah Collins
Summary: What will Sheriff Arnold and Deputy Sid do when Crazy Curly rides into town?


Disclaimer: I don't own HA although I really wish I did (but then again don't we all?) 

Note: This story is my attempt at making a realistic 11 minute episode. 

It was almost high noon as Arnold made his rounds. Things were for the most part quiet in town. There were some incidents but they were isolated. A fight spurring from insults here, a dispute over land there. Law enforcement had been good for him and both he and his deputy, Sid, never had to face any hardcore villains. Until, of course, Crazy Curly road into town. 

Before Curly came the closest thing their town had to a villian was Helga Pataki, the sharp tongued owner of the Ye Olde Opera House. She might have started plenty of fights along with her reputation as mean gambler but she could never be as bad as Crazy Curly. That guy was truely insane. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself. That day Arnold and Sid were at the end of their usual route. And like most days they decided to head over to the saloon to wind down a little. As they were walking over Sid looked over to Arnold and said "This is the life ain't it Arnold?" 

"Yep," came the reply. Arnold stared straight ahead with his "sheriff" look. "Wish you'd loose those white boots though. You look like a show performer." 

Sid looked down at his white boots. He was actually trying for the show performer look. Anything to get Miss Rhonda's attention. As soon as they entered the saloon Sid went over to her on stage while Arnold went to talk to Gerald, the bartender. 

"So I take it Deputy Sid is still trying his luck at winning Miss Rhonda's hand" Gerald said as he stood behind the counter cleaning a glass. "The usual?" he said. 

Arnold looked around the bar. Everything was right as rain. A little gambling was going on between Harold, owner of the general store, Stinky, a local pumpkin farmer, and Nadine, a waitress who was off duty. 

"Yep. A double Yahoo straight up." Arnold looked over to Sid trying to convince Miss. Rhonda to go to the opera with him that night. He heard her say something which caused Sid's face to fall. "Reckon that Sid ain't havin much luck." 

"Always was sweet on Miss Rhonda. For business reasons though I'd hate to see her up and marry. She's the best showgirl in these here parts." 

"Yeah well I-" Suddenly all the noise in the bar stopped. Helga Pataki had entered and was now walking towards the sheriff. 

"Howdy football head." She began. Someone in the back whispered "What's a football anyways?" She turned to the direction of the question. "Shut yer trap!" 

"What's your business Miss Helga?" Sheriff Arnold said wanting to get this encounter over quickly. 

"I need an extension on curfew tonight. I'm putting on Carmen and it may run a little long." 

"Now you know the law Ms. Pataki. No extensions on curfews." 

"Listen Bucko! No one tells me when I-" 

"Shut it Miss Pataki." came a voice from entrance. "You know that when it comes to breaking the law..well that's MY territory." gasps came from around the room. It was Crazy Curly! 

"Now listen up and listen good. You, bartender." Curly pointed to Gerald. 

"Yes Cra-, er, Curly?" 

"I'm gonna need all yer money. Now! Let's go!" 

"You don't have a gun Curly. Why should I give you all the money?" Curly pulled out a mean looking slingshot. 

"Because of this." 

"Okay, Okay...don't do anything Cra-, er, silly now. I'm gettin the money." Gerald hastily began filling a potato sack with dollar bills. 

"Throw in some bottles of Yahoo. I'm meetin' up with my partner Chocolate Boy in Dodge City." 

"Now hold on there a second." Sheriff Arnold intervened. "There won't be any robberies in my town." 

"Arnold what are you doing." Gerald whispered. "This is Crazy Curly we're talking about. He's crazy!" 

"Don't worry I have a plan." Arnold turned back to face Curly. "How 'bout earning your money fair and square? Perhaps a friendly card game? All the saloon's money against whatever money you've got." 

Sid was whispering to Rhonda in the corner. Rhonda nodded her head and moved over to where Curly was standing. "Hey there handsome" she said, throwing her arms around him. "You know a girl likes it when her man plays fair." 

"Yo-our man?" Curly said. "Well a friendly game of gambling doesn't sound bad after all. Who's going to play for the bar? Gerald?" Gerald shook his head. Arnold started to speak up. 

"Well I was actually thinking that-" 

"Ah, the sheriff himself will be playing" Curly said. "Sounds good to me." 

"No wait, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to suggest Helga." 

"_Helga?_" said about ten people at once. 

"Yes, Helga." 

"_Helga?_" they said again. 

"_Yes_, Helga" Arnold practically yelled. He turned to Helga."Look Helga you're known for being a notorious card shark. I know you don't like me but I know that you'll do this for the good of the town. I'm counting on you." 

"Your counting on me? That's...that's" Helga slapped herself. "Whatever football head. I might as well. I mean if your not going to extend curfew then I got nothing better to do." 

Nadine and Sheena, the waitresses at the saloon, hurry to clear a table and set up some cards and chips. While they were doing that Rhonda was still telling Curly what a great guy he was to be giving them a fair chance and Curly was obviously enjoying it. Finally, the table was set and the two opponents sat to play. The game was underway. 

For the first few minutes of the game Helga's reputation was holding true. She won the first two hands and was beginning to feel very confident. On the third hand she felt comfortable enough to raise the ante. Back and forth the raises went until the pot was up to $300, including about half of what had original been in the saloons register. The heat was on. Helga threw down her cards. 

"Four kings read 'em and weep." 

Curly looked down at his cards. He looked nervous. He kept looking from his cards to Helga's. Finally with a defeated look he said "All I've got is two pair." the crowd started congratulating Helga. 

"But," Curly started. "Both my pairs are pairs of aces." the crowd stopped cheering and looked at his cards incredelously. Four aces. Curly had won! 

From that point on Helga sat like a rock, careful with each and every move. It didn't help though. Curly had just been feeling her out for those first two hands. He was actually a magnificent card player and won every hand after it. 

Finally it came down to one hand. If Curly wins this we loose all the money, thought Helga. If I win we still stay in the game. She was afraid to let down Arnold and she was doing her best. 

As though Arnold could hear her thoughts he leaned over. "I know your doing your best. I've got another plan." Helga sighed with relief. At least he knew she was trying. 

Helga watched as Rhonda moved behind Curly and threw her arms around his neck. "Well Curly, after you win this hand I know you'll take me with you to Dodge City." Rhonda began to lift one of her back hands up. She pointed to herself and then put up two fingers. Then she pointed to Arnold and raised three fingers. Rhonda had been looking at Curly's cards! Helga figured out by Rhonda's signals that Curly had two qeens and three kings. She sighed with relief. She had two queens also but they were accompanied by three aces. She had won the hand. 

Curly suddenly stood up. He shrugged Rhonda's arms off of him and faced her. "I saw what you did Miss Rhonda. I have reflective sunglasses-" From behind them came someone asking "What are sunglasses?" with the answer of "They're those dark bifocals on his face." 

"Shut up!" yelled Curly. "Anyways I can see everything that happends behind me! And you Miss Rhonda Loyd were trying to double cross Thaddeus Gamelthorpe! I won't stand for this! I'm going to keep everyone hostage in this saloon now! No one leaves until I'm good and ready to let them!" 

"Wait Curly!" Sheriff Arnold interjected. Arnold couldn't let a hostage situation happen. "Look Curly, um..what if I told you that there's a corral a couple of miles up the road. If you were to go there and release all FOURTY of the horses...well I might be able to look the other way." Horses? Fourty of them running free with he, Thaddeus Gamelthorpe, mounted on the leading horse? The rush of the wind blowing by his ears? 

"Hmm. I might be inclined to take you up on that offer. Got any whitewash?" 

Gerald leans over to Arnold whispers. "What's he gonna do with whitewash? This is one cracked kid." 

Arnold is smiling so that Curly doesn't notice anything. He whispers back to Gerald "Just go along with it Gerald." Gerald imitates his friends smile and whispers through his own teeth "You're a bold kid Arnold, a bold kid." 

"We might be able to work out something like that Curly. I'm sure we could rustle up some whitewash somewhere." 

Stinky speaks up "I've got me a gallon of whitewash here on account of I'm gonna paint the barn. I suppose Curly can use this for his quirky antics." 

"Thanks Stinky. So is it a deal Curly?" 

Curly couldn't resist. He loved to paint himself and free various animals. This was one addiction he couldn't turn his back on. "Well um...just to nice this one time I'm going to take you up on this offer." And as he left you could hear him repeating under his voice "Gonna free the horses, Gonna free the horses." 

Everyone began congratulating Arnold on his great idea. Now that they were out of danger some of the boys offered to help him collect the horses after Curly was done doing whatever the heck he was planning to do. 

Finally, as the congrats begin to die off, the crowd looks outside to see Curly screaming on a horse dripping from head to toe with paint. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Yahoo! Ride 'em cowboy! Giddy up 'lil doggie! Wowza!" 

"Curly are you having that dream again?" came a voice from down the hall. 

"Yeah!" he yelled. "Only this time it was whitewash!" 

"That's nice dear. Go back to sleep." 

"Yes mom." 

He heard his father grumbling in the other room. "We gotta get that kid help." 

Curly didn't care. He just smiled, turned over, and fell back asleep. Asleep to a world that was a stage with him in a starring role. 

_The End_

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I'm not sure if this is as good as "It's a Wonderful Life, Helga" but I wanted to do something that I could see as an actual episode. I also wanted to write something with a little humor and a focus on my favorite character Curly. Tell me what ya think about it! 

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End file.
